I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
