is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
