I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Where is the hickey?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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