She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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