well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
