He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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