Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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