Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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