Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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