Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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