I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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