i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
