Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
