the condom got lost in my hair
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
