4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
last night I used snow as a chaser
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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