I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
