sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
