come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
