You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
