the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
