yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
