My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
