I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
