the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
