I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He better not be in your backpack
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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