All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
