I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
