Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
