went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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