sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he wants to bone in the snuggie
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
