worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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