i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
