I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
