I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
