my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
