It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
