Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
