I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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