don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
