She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
