Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
