apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
