We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
