Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
