yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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