Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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