oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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