Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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