Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
