Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
